Coping with Toxic, Distant, or Estranged Family Relationships
Find support for navigating toxic family dynamics and estrangement.
These resources are for adults experiencing an emotionally charged separation or disconnection from a family member. It is for those of us who have had unhealthy relationships with family, where we feel compelled to cut ties to protect our mental health. This may be due to their lack of respect for our boundaries, the constant emotional drain from their behavior, or instances where they have pushed us away, ghosted, or abandoned us throughout our lives. It may also involve coming to terms with the reality that they will never offer the kind of family relationship you had hoped for.
This type of relationship is called “family estrangement.”
Most of the resources here focus on situations where an adult becomes estranged from a parent, sibling, or another significant support person in their life, rather than on the perspective of a parent who is disconnected from their adult child.
If you feel overwhelmed - reach out and I can help you break this down.
Understanding the Grief of Family Estrangement
When I became disconnected from a family member, I didn't fully understand the hurt I was feeling. As I tried to make sense of the sadness, I told myself, "Well, they aren't dead." I theoretically could reach out to them, but doing so would often lead to more emotional pain.
After talking about my feelings with friends who are also therapists, it became clear that what I was experiencing was grief. It's somewhat ironic that, despite being a grief therapist myself, I didn't initially recognize it as such.
Grief isn't limited to death loss.
Any significant loss or life change can bring up feelings of grief, including divorce, breakups, chronic illness, job loss, fertility struggles, and family estrangement. And grief isn't just sadness. It can also involve anger, guilt, relief, shame, resentment, numbness, or a confusing mix of emotions.
Family estrangement is often a form of disenfranchised grief, meaning the loss isn't always recognized or supported by others. Because the person is still alive, people may not understand why you're grieving. Some may even question your decision to distance yourself, without understanding what led to it.
Estrangement can mean grieving not only the relationship you had, but also the relationship you hoped you could have.
You can know that distancing yourself is the healthiest decision for you and still grieve what you've lost. Those feelings don't have to contradict each other.
Some of the losses that can come with family estrangement include:
Letting go of the idea of having a "Mom," "Dad," "Grandparent," "Aunt," or "Uncle" and coming to terms with the role that person actually plays in your life.
Losing a sense of belonging or connection to your family.
No longer having emotional, financial, or practical support you may have counted on.
Losing a shared history or people who remember parts of your life.
Missing family traditions, holidays, and milestones.
Living With Family Estrangement
Articles:
Family estrangement: Why adults are cutting off their parents
The Living Loss: Family Estrangement & Stages Of Grief
The Stigma Around Family Estrangement
Estrangement is never easy or straightforward
Talking about grief when no one has died
How to Cope with a Toxic and Estranged Family Relationship
Redoing Family After Estrangement
Generational Differences
Why Adult Children Are Cutting Off Their Parents More Than Ever
Why do I Resent my Parents? Gen X and Boomer Parents: Tips to Help Avoid Resentment
Broken Families: 13 Reasons Millennials Are Cutting Contact With Boomer Parents
Connected to Neurodivergence
Why are autistic adults estranging their parents?
A Hidden Cause of Some Difficult Family Relationships
5 years No Contact (and Neurodivergent)
. When Autistic Adults and Their Parents Are Estranged
. Why Some Autistic Adults Go No-Contact
Journal Articles:
Missing Family: The Adult Child’s Experience of Parental Estrangement
Videos:
How family estrangement impacts your life
Sometimes exploring your family relationships brings up questions about your childhood that you hadn't really considered before. You might start recognizing patterns of emotional neglect, chronic invalidation, or feeling responsible for everyone else's emotions. If you're interested in understanding how those experiences may still be affecting you, I've gathered additional articles, books, and practical tools on my Complex Trauma & CPTSD Resources page.
Neurodivergence and Family Estrangement
Discovering you're ADHD, autistic, or AuDHD later in life can change how you understand your family relationships. Years of feeling misunderstood, criticized, or pressured to mask your needs may take on new meaning. For some, setting boundaries or no longer masking can lead to increased conflict or estrangement.
Why are autistic adults estranging their parents?
A Hidden Cause of Some Difficult Family Relationships
When Autistic Adults and Their Parents Are Estranged
Why Some Autistic Adults Go No-Contact
Videos
5 years No Contact (and Neurodivergent)
How Julie Understood Herself After Raising an Autistic Child
Estranged Adult Child? When Autism Was Missed in Childhood
The Hidden Link Between AUTISM and Family Estrangement
Sibling Estrangement
Sibling estrangement can bring a complicated kind of grief. You may be grieving not just the relationship you had, but the sibling relationship you wish you'd had. This may be someone who shared your childhood, family memories, and experiences that no one else quite understands. Yet growing up in the same family doesn't mean you experienced it the same way. Differences in family roles, favoritism, unresolved conflict, or longstanding patterns of hurt can make sibling relationships complicated. Whether you've chosen to distance yourself from a sibling or they've distanced themselves from you, you can miss the relationship you hoped for without wanting the relationship you actually had.
Articles
Podcasts
Toxic Sibling Estrangement at the Death of a Parent | Dr. Sherrie Campbell
Brothers, Sisters, Strangers: Sibling Estrangement and the Road to Reconciliation | Fern Schumer Chapman
Sibling Estrangement in Families with an Emotionally Immature Parent | Whitney Goodman, LMFT (2025)
Research Articles
Sibling Estrangement in Adulthood | Karsten Hank & Anja Steinbach (2023)
Pathways to Adult Sibling Estrangement: Perspectives of Estranged U.S. Adults | Rin Reczek, Akanne Torres Beltran & Candice Crutchfield (2026)
Videos
Books
Brothers, Sisters, Strangers: Sibling Estrangement and the Road to Reconciliation | Fern Schumer Chapman (2021)
Struggling with family estrangement, complicated grief, or setting boundaries? You don't have to figure it all out on your own. Schedule a free 20-minute consultation to see how therapy might help.
Cutting Ties
Deciding to reduce contact or cut ties with a family member is rarely easy. I kept asking myself, "Is it really that bad that I need to go no contact?" What if something happens to them while we're not speaking? How would I find out? How would I explain this to others? I've tried setting boundaries before, but they didn't work. What would be different this time?
There isn't one right answer for everyone. Some people find that limited contact or clearer boundaries work for them, while others decide that ending contact is healthier. These resources can help you sort through those difficult decisions without assuming that reconciliation or estrangement is the right answer.
Book Recommendations
Book Recommendations
Understanding Ruptured Mother-Daughter Relationships by Khara Croswaite Brindle (For Therapists)
What My Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma by Stephanie Foo
Rules of Estrangement: Why Adult Children Cut Ties and How to Heal the Conflict by Joshua Coleman, PhD
Adult Survivors of Toxic Family Members: Tools to Maintain Boundaries, Deal with Criticism, and Heal from Shame After Ties Have Been Cut by Sherrie Campbell, PhD
But It's Your Family…: Cutting Ties with Toxic Family Members and Loving Yourself in the Aftermath by Sherrie Campbell, PhD
Ambiguous Loss: Learning to Live with Unresolved Grief by Pauline Boss, PhD
The Power of Parting: Finding Peace and Freedom Through Family Estrangement by Eamon Dolan
Books About Mothers
Mothers Who Can't Love: A Healing Guide for Daughters by Susan Forward, PhD, and Donna Frazier Glynn
Mother Hunger: How Adult Daughters Can Understand and Heal from Lost Nurturance, Protection, and Guidance by Kelly McDaniel
Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers by Karyl McBride, PhD
Helpful Trauma Books (Which Also Discuss Estrangement)
Drama Free: A Guide to Managing Unhealthy Family Relationships by Nedra Glover Tawwab
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson, PsyD
Facing Codependence: What It Is, Where It Comes from, How It Sabotages Our Lives by Pia Mellody
General Podcasts
Calling Home | Whitney Goodman, LMFT
The Missing, Missing Reasons | Calling Home with Whitney Goodman
Estrangement Between Adult Children and Their Parents | Calling Home with Whitney Goodman
Navigating Estrangement Situations | Being Well with Rick and Forrest Hanson
Managing Holidays When You Are Estranged
"Bah! Humbug!" I used to love the holiday season, but as life became more complicated, my feelings changed. I dreaded the questions from coworkers about my holiday plans. What seemed like an innocent question to them could stir up a lot of emotions for me. Did they really want to hear the whole story about why I wasn't seeing my family? And when I did share, I'd sometimes hear, "But that's your family! You're supposed to be together during the holidays!"
I hear similar concerns from clients who have come to dread the holidays. Some even return to therapy between October and February for extra support. With all the images of happy families and expectations of togetherness, it can feel like you're the only one whose family doesn't look like that.
Articles
Navigating Holiday Guilt After Cutting Ties with Family | Dr. Christine Henry
Being Estranged from Family Is Especially Difficult During Holidays. Here's How to Deal with Stigma and Unsolicited Advice | Business Insider
The Estranged Holidays Survival Guide | The Unadulting Society (2026)
Managing Estranged Aging Relatives
Articles
Caring for Aging Parents Who Didn't Care for You | Carol Bradley Bursack, AgingCare
Becoming a Caregiver When Your Parent Wasn't There for You | Next Avenue
Caring for Estranged Parents: 3 Important Considerations | DailyCaring
Caregiving for an Aging Narcissist: Navigating the Challenges with Compassion | Family Caregivers Online
How to Deal With an Elderly Narcissistic Mother: 12 Tips to Save Your Sanity | Daughters Rising
How Do I Manage Narcissistic Parents as They Age? | Psychology Today
Podcasts
Caring for Aging Parents: Trauma, Boundaries & Burnout | Holding Space with Dr. Barker (2026)
Videos
Answering Your Questions on Emotionally Immature Parents & Grandparents | Dr. Lindsay C. Gibson (2026)
Strangers in the Same Room: When You Don’t Know Your Parent Anymore | Caregiver SOS (2026)
As family members age, relationship dynamics often shift. Adult children, especially women, are often expected to step into caregiving roles, but what happens when you have a distant or nonexistent relationship with that person?
You may find yourself torn between a sense of obligation and years of unresolved hurt, especially if others expect you to step in despite everything that's happened. Feelings of guilt, resentment, sadness, or even relief can make these decisions more complicated.
Caring about someone doesn't necessarily mean you have to become their caregiver. These resources explore the complicated emotions, family expectations, and practical decisions that can arise when an estranged relative needs care.
Grief After The Death of a Complicated Relationship
You've come to terms with being estranged from a family member. You've adjusted to them missing important milestones and no longer being part of your life. Maybe you've even felt some relief from the emotional stress that came with the relationship.
Then they die, and everything shifts again.
You may have wondered how you'd feel when this happened, but your actual reaction might surprise you. You might feel sadness, anger, guilt, relief, or even nothing at all. You may also find yourself grieving the relationship you hoped you could have had, knowing that possibility is now gone.
You can grieve someone's death without regretting your decision to distance yourself. These resources explore the complicated emotions that can come with losing someone when the relationship was already painful or estranged.
Books:
How to Carry What Can't Be Fixed: A Journal for Grief by Megan Devine
Articles:
Absent Grief: Why Am I Not Grieving Like I Expected To?
When Someone Dies that You Had a Complicated Relationship With
The Complexity of Grief With Estrangement
How I Found Peace While Grieving My Estranged Parent
We Were Estranged. Then She Died!
Dealing with grief – the death of an estranged parent
Death (or impending death) of an estranged parent or relative
When The Death Of A Parent (Or Thinking About It) Brings Relief
Videos:
Narcissism and Grief with Dr. Ramani and David Kessler
Podcasts
Grieving an Estranged Parent | The Women's Podcast, Laura Kennedy and Róisín Ingle (2026)
Adding To This Page…
I am continuously adding to this page as I get new information so come check back to see new additions. If you have any resources that you have found helpful but are not listed please email me as I would love to add them: henry@therapyforpetpeople.com
Please forgive any typos or broken links. As an ADHDer it’s a challenge for me to keep up but I am making it a priority as this page is truly a labor of love. Be sure to forward the link to others in your life who may benefit from this information. Bring some food and water as this is a deep deep dive into all things neurodivergent.
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Questions? Need Support?
If you have questions or need support, please reach out to me! This journey can be difficult, but you don’t have to walk it alone.