Neurodivergent Relationship Dynamics
If you have questions or want support, please reach out to me and we can get started.
I apologize that the majority of these articles focus on heterosexual relationships. I am actively working to gather more information on diverse couples. Much of this content is about when one partner is ND and the other is NT.
The Superpowers of Neurodiverse Couples
Strategies for Neurodiverse Couples
What autistics want their partners to know
“Autistic People Make Great Social Partners if You Actually Give Them a Chance”
Common concerns with ND couples
The Authoritarian Father & Stupid Child in a ND marriage
The Surrogate Mother & Defiant Child in a ND Marriage
NT’s with ND’s are not codependent
Tips for Women in Relationships with Partners on the Autism Spectrum
Mr. Perfect and his crazy wife
The stable guy and “sensitive wife”
Why does a neurotypical wife choose an ASD husband?
The Top 5 Things People in Neurodiverse Couples Should Know
Neurodiverse Marriage: How to Love a Partner with Autism
Weavers and Concluders: Two Communication Styles No One Knows Exist
Video:
How to tell difference between AS related traits vs pure insensitivity?
Tips for romantic relationships
I am autistic and married to someone who is neurotypical
ADHD, sex, relationships & intimacy
Podcast:
Romantic Relationships
Videos for NT partner:
(Female NT partner who has male ND partner. I’m looking for more with LBGTQI couples)
Validation for NT Spouses with ND Spouse, Less Work Will Get Better Results
Methods for Truly "Understanding" Your NT
Living With an ASD Partner: The Neurotypical Wife's Grief Cycle
ADHD Couples: Having The Parent-Child Relationship Instead of partners
Autistic and Neurotypical Relationship Tips
Videos for the ND individual:
The Easiest Way to Be "Emotionally Available" - Message to Spouses on the Autism Spectrum
How To Get Bedtimes Aligned with ADHD
My ADHD Partner Barely Notices Me at Bedtime
The Key to a Better ADHD Relationship? Better Sex
ADHD After Dark: Better Sex Life, Better Relationship
Videos:
How to Explain Being ‘Touched Out’ To Your Husband Or Partner Without “Rejecting” Them
Why Does My Wife Reject Me? - All Touched Out
Podcasts:
ADHD Between the Sheets: Strategies for Improving Your (Distracted) Sex Life
Physical Intimacy
Childhood Experiences
Family Stuff
What to do when your family won’t accept the diagnosis
Things I wish my parents would have known about autism
ADHD and having critical parents
Autistic Adult Relationships with Family and Friends
Surviving the Holidays as an HSP
Relationships with family and friends
Having an Autistic Parent:
Growing up with a parent on the spectrum
When you suspect a parent is autistic
Learning to understand my autistic mother
Guide to having autistic parents
Video:
My Family Neurodiversity Story (Growing Up With An Autistic Parent)
Having an ADHD Parent:
“My Mom Has ADHD:” Stories of Growing Up with an ADD Mother
Growing Up with a Dad with ADHD
Journal Articles:
Parental ADHD Symptomology and Ineffective Parenting: The Connecting Link of Home Chaos (not the most affirming article)
Podcast Episodes:
Support for ND Partners
If you have questions or want support, please reach out to me and we can get started.
ND Relationships
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Communications
Differences in Communicate Styles
Why asking questions may feel overwhelming to ND’s
How to ask a question without scaring us
The Criminalization of Emotion in Neurodiverse Marriages
Why communicating emotions can feel like an attack
By the time an ND complains they have been suffering for hours
Tips for communication for both ND and NT partners
Podcast
Hannah Gadsby: How to Communicate Better
Journal Articles:
Autistic peer-to-peer information transfer is highly effective
Videos:
Schedule for highly emotional conversations
Your NT Spouse's High Social/Emotional Intelligence Has Lead to Some Unrealistic Expectations
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ADHD Relationships
Overview on how it impacts a relationship
The impact of ADHD on a marriage
Men with ADHD in Relationships
Your Keys to a Happier ADHD Relationship
Married with ADHD: How Real Couples Make It Work
Loving Someone with ADHD Is Easy…
Please Don’t Hug Me! Seriously. And More Weird Things That Trigger My Hypersensitive ADHD
How does ADHD affect relationships and marriage?
Resource page on ADHD and Marriage
(For info on ADHD and physical intimacy go to the physical intimacy section)
Podcasts:
How to thrive with adhd in your relationships
Videos:
How it impacts our personal lives
The surprising ways ADHD affects relationships
Journal Articles:
ND Couples Therapy Resources
Thanks to LAURIE BUDLONG-MORSE LMFT for these resources. Be sure to check out her blog.
ND Couples Workshops
The therapists listed below are not only well respected experts in neurodivergent relationships but are also neurodivergent themselves.
*If the link provided is expired reach out to the therapist and ask when the next time they are offering the workshop.
Laurie Budlong-Morse, LMFT: Your Relationship Roadmap: Neurodiverse Couples Workshop
Becoming Twice-Compassionate: A Supportive Online Course for Partners/Spouses of Adults on the Autism Spectrum
The Peter M. Friedman Neurodiverse Couples Institute (part of the Asperger/Autism Network)
Anita Robertson LCSW, ADHD Relationship Bootcamp hosted by the Author of ADHD and US - Anita Robertson
New ADHD and US Course with instruction and live support
If you are located in Florida or Texas, Adrienne Clements, LMFT: ND Couples Therapy Intensives
Socializing
Again, sorry that everything is on straight couples. I am looking for books on more diverse relationships to add to the list.
The Journal of Best Practices: A Memoir of Marriage, Asperger Syndrome, and One Man's Quest to Be a Better Husband by David Finch
Marriage and Lasting Relationships with Asperger’s Syndrome by Eva A. Mendes
Asperger Syndrome: A Love Story by Sarah Hendrickx
ADHD & Us: A Couple's Guide to Loving and Living With Adult ADHD by Anita Robertson LCSW
The Couple's Guide to Thriving with ADHD by Melissa Orlov
Different Planets: Understanding Your Neurodiverse Relationship by Lorna Hecker
Dirty Laundry: Why Adults with ADHD Are So Ashamed and What We Can Do to Help - written by a couple
ADHD is Awesome: A Guide To (Mostly) Thriving With ADHD - written by a couple
Books on ND Couples
Neurodivergent Relationship Idiosyncrasies
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Managing Conflict
Why the relationship isn’t working
The book Fair Play by Eve Rodsky has helped couples reduce fighting over chores
Podcasts:
Strategies to resolve conflict in relationships touched by ADHD
Video:
Harmful vs helpful fights with ADHD
3 Tips for Neurodivergent Marriages
ADHD and Autism Relationship Accommodations -- How to Get Your Needs Met
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When a Partner Seems to have Difficulty with Empathy
A partner may have empathy; however, the way they show it may be different than one would expect.
Trying to understand why they struggle with empathy as you perceive it
You wonder if they even have feelings
Journal Article
Empirical Failures of the Claim That Autistic People Lack a Theory of Mind
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"Cassandra Syndrome"
People in the autistic community do not like this term because it implies that all of the relationship issues are due to the partner being autistic. It is also problematic as it assumes a heterosexual relationship which is very gendered in the descriptions. However, some pieces may be helpful for someone so I am including them here.
Communication and Demand Distress
Ongoing traumatic relationship syndrome
Videos:
Podcasts:
If you have questions or need support, please reach out to me! This journey can be difficult, but you don’t have to walk it alone.
Adding to this Page…
I am continuously adding to this page as I get new information so bookmark the page and come check back to see new additions. If you have any resources that you have found helpful but are not listed please email me as I would love to add them (henry@therapyforpetpeople.com).
Please forgive any typos or broken links. As an ADHDer it’s a challenge for me to keep up but I am making it a priority as this page is truly a labor of love. Be sure to forward the link to others in your life who may benefit from this information. Bring some food and water as this is a deep deep dive into all things neurodivergent.
