I’m Autistic, Now What???
After tons of research and/or hours of testing you figured out that you are autistic. It has taken a lot of time and energy to arrive at this place. You feel a mix of emotions from joy, excitement, validation, sadness, anger, and grief.
You are now asking yourself, “Now what???”
You feel lost with what you do with this new identity. The way you viewed yourself and the world around you has suddenly changed. It’s okay to feel a little overwhelmed, however, you don’t have to figure it out alone.
Here is a list of common things autism to process in therapy after receiving the diagnosis as well as links to further information. Together, we go step by step (in no particular order) in understanding how to process this new lens.
The main tasks in this process include :
Make meaning of this new identity
Re-examine your past knowing you were autistic and see how that changes your narrative
Gain knowledge about how being autistic impacts how you experience the world around you
Learn how to communicate being autistic to others as well as set boundaries
Discover how to have more satisfying relationships
Once you have this new level of understanding you can find ways for the world to better fit you instead of pressuring yourself to fit into a neurotypical world. You will understand why some tasks or situations have always been difficult for you as well as finding strategies on how to “hack your brain.” After working through this process you may find that your anxiety and depressive symptoms significantly reduce. I promise this is worth it! If you get overwhelmed in going through this list stop and walk away from it. It is okay to stop and take a break. Come back when you have the energy and head space.
For a more extensive resource list which includes articles, blogs, and videos visit the main resource page: https://therapyforpetpeople.com/resources-for-neurodivergence
Processing The Identity
You may have gone into a deep dive about autism and after your research felt that finally you had some answers. Things started to make some sense. However, doubt starts to creep in. “Perhaps I over exaggerated on the tests,” “Maybe the therapist who tested me was not competent,” “Maybe my family is correct that I am not autistic.” It is okay to have some doubts in being autistic. Here are some articles explaining how people process this new identity.
Unmasking
Another task is to understand ways you may have tried to hide your autistic traits. Unmasking is where you slowly allow yourself and those around you to see the authentic you. While this may sound like an easy process, it is not.
Anxiety, Depression, Trauma, Oh My…..
You may have been in therapy many times in the past working on anxiety, depression, and trauma. While these things often can co-occur, it can be helpful to understand what parts are autism and what parts are depression, anxiety, or trauma. For instance, what we *think* is depression, can be autistic burnout which is treated in a different way compared to if it is depression. For instance, if you are depressed, a therapist may suggest going out in the sun, reaching out to friends to socialize, increasing physical activity. However, if it is burnout, a better approach would be to close all the curtains in your room, get a weighted blanket on, and stay away from people. A therapist can help you process these differences and similarities as it can be difficult to tease apart what is what.
Autistic Burnout vs Depression
Meltdowns/Shutdowns
Autism and Anxiety
Autism in the Context of Trauma
It can be helpful to re-explore your childhood in this new context of being neurodivergent. You may feel that you have already explored your past childhood issues, however, your understanding of past social situations and relationships can change with this new lens.
Learning Your Sensory Needs and How to Listen to Them
One cause of anxiety and depressive symptoms can be sensory overload. It may sound simple, but taking care of your sensory needs can have a huge impact on mental health. A neurodivergent affirming therapist can help you learn about what sensory sensitivities you may have, as well as, provide information on how to accommodate them. Having this sensory focus can also help you cope with emotions and learn ways to self-regulate.
Identifying Your Emotions and Communicating Them
While you may be deeply in tune with the emotions of others, you may have difficulty in identifying your own emotions or body sensations. How often do you forget to eat and do not even realize you are hungry? Often when people ask, “How are you feeling?” you may not have a clue. What can also be frustrating is that when you do know how you are feeling it is hard to communicate that to others. Here are articles that address these concerns.
Navigating Your Relationship with Others
Should I, and How do I, Come Out to Others?
After learning about your autism, you may wonder how to “come out” to friends, family, and coworkers. There are lots of pros and cons in doing so. These articles provide some insight into this dilemma as well as strategies on how to disclose this new identity.
Coming out to a partner
When a family won’t accept the diagnosis
Deciding if and how to come out at work
Communication Styles
**Great information to pass on to friends, family, or coworkers
People often misperceive our communication styles. We can be viewed as too blunt, direct, cold, or lacking in empathy. These articles provide information for people to better understand our communication style. What can be frustrating, is that for most of our lives we are taught how to speak “neurotypical” and little time is given to teach neurotypicals how to speak our language. Send these articles to friends, family, coworkers and consider this their introductory course in neurodivergent communication.
How Autistics Express Love and Empathy
General information
But you don’t look autistic!?
Answering the question: Isn’t everyone a little autistic?
How to respond when your loved one tells you that they are autistic
Things I wish my parents would have know about autism
How Therapy Can Help You in This Process
As you can see, there are so many things to process after receiving an autism diagnosis. While you can do this work on your own, it may be helpful for a neurodivergent affirming therapist to walk alongside you on this journey. Along the way, we can provide information, resources, and support as you navigate this new neurodivergent world.
Feel free to contact me so we can chat about your goals, I can share about my therapy style, and we can see if working together would be a good fit.
Being a neurodivergent therapist, it has been an honor to support clients through this process as I know how much it has not only dramatically changed my life being late diagnosed but also the lives of my husband, son, and daughter in understanding their own neurotypes. While it may seem overwhelming at first, I promise it does get better. With this new knowledge you will be able to build a life that works for you instead of feeling pressure to fit in a model that doesn’t.
Here is also a link to a neurodivergent therapists directory. Many of the listed therapists are neurodivergent themselves and have a personal understanding of what this path looks like.
Book Suggestions
Unmasking Autism: Discovering the New Faces of Neurodiversity by Devon Price.
Divergent Mind: Thriving in a World That Wasn't Designed for You by Jenara Nerenberg
Complete Guide to Asperger’s Syndrome Dr Tony Attwood, Tony Attwood, et al.
Avoiding Anxiety in Autistic Adults: A Guide for Autistic Wellbeing by Luke Beardon
Books for neurodivergent women:
Women with Autism by Claire Jack Ph.D.
Women and Girls with Autism Spectrum Disorder: Understanding Life Experiences from Early Childhood to Old Age by Sarah Hendrickx
Dr. Christine Henry is a neurodivergent licensed psychologist specializing in working with late identified adult adhd and autism. She also works with clients processing complex trauma, grief, and spiritual abuse.
