I’m ADHD, Now What???
When I discovered I had ADHD at age 40, I was shocked. I thought I was very self-aware—after all, I had been to therapy several times before. Why did no one bring this up? How could I have missed this, especially as a therapist? This revelation triggered a bit of an existential crisis for me. There was so much new information to learn that I felt overwhelmed. I didn’t know where to start.
To help you on your own journey of self-understanding, I've compiled this list of helpful information, so you don't have to spend hours searching. There is also a more extensive Adult ADHD Resource page with additional blogs, peer-reviewed articles, and videos.
You don’t have to figure this out alone.
Here’s a disclaimer: While going through this, you may feel 'information overload' and need to put it away for a bit. That’s okay. Therapy is a shortcut that skips going down the long and time consuming information rabbit hole. Arrange a therapy appointment to help adapt this information specifically for you.
Processing the Information
Learning that you have ADHD later in life can be a lot to process. You may react in various ways, including shock, anger, grief, or relief. It can explain many things, but it may also leave you with many unanswered questions.
For me, this new understanding completely changed how I viewed my past. It felt similar to watching a movie with a huge twist ending—where you now have to rewatch the film with this new information in mind. (I think of the movie The Sixth Sense—you rewatch it knowing that he was dead all along).
These articles offer insights into how others have integrated this new information.
The ADHD Grief Cycle – 5 Stages That Will Happen After Diagnosis
Relief, Grief, and More Raw Reactions to an Adult ADHD Diagnosis
You Are Not the Sum of Your ADHD Challenges
Your own internalized ableism about ADHD
How Was This Missed?
The more you learn about ADHD, the more it becomes obvious that the signs were there all along. Why did no one else see this? However, if you were born in the 80s, 90s, or early 2000s, there are many reasons why you might not have been diagnosed. Here are some articles that explain why it may have been overlooked particularly if you were socialized as a female.
What we know about ADHD misdiagnosis
ADHD Symptoms Ignored In Girls
For even more articles, blogs, and videos on this go to the main Adult ADHD Resource Page.
I was told I was “just” depressed or anxious..
Before I knew I had ADHD, I always thought I was experiencing periodic depression and anxiety. I sought help through therapy and tried several different medications, which provided some relief, but I still faced challenges. It wasn’t until I gained insight into my ADHD that everything began to make sense. I realized that the symptoms I had been attributing to separate issues of anxiety and depression were actually manifestations of my ADHD.
ADHD vs Depression
The Overlap with ADHD and Depression
ADHD vs Anxiety
When ADHD and Anxiety Occur Together
What about trauma? Doesn’t that explain things better than ADHD?
In my past therapy I had always understood some of my challenges as childhood trauma. Growing up without an ADHD diagnosis meant that many of my struggles were left unrecognized and unaddressed. This lack of understanding created its own set of challenges, compounding any trauma-related difficulties I might have had. To gain a deeper understanding of this intersection, I found a few articles that explore the overlap between ADHD and trauma.
ADHD vs Trauma
The Relationship Between PTSD and ADHD: Symptoms, Diagnosis, Treatment
“But You Are Smart, You Can’t Be ADHD.”
I was told by a psychologist, “You have a Ph.D. You couldn’t have completed college successfully if you were ADHD.”
Guess what, they were wrong!
You can be both gifted and be ADHD! Here’s some information you can share with others to combat that outdated myth.
Parents reaction to late diagnosis of ADHD
When giftedness and ADHD Mask Each Other
Unraveling the Myths ADHD and Giftedness
Overlap of ADHD, Autism, and Giftedness
Gifted and ADHD Podcast Episode
Feeling information overload?
If you would rather talk to someone about this instead of read all this info feel free to contact me and I would be glad to walk you through this process.
When I was in college, it took me forever to start a paper (just like this blog, which has taken me a year to finish). However, the night before it was due, I could crank it out, and it would turn out great. Why couldn’t I do this all the time?
I would get so angry at myself for having to rewash the laundry because I forgot to put it in the dryer and now it smelled. Why can’t I complete this simple task?
Since learning about executive functioning, I’ve become better at harnessing my motivation and no longer make myself feel bad when it’s not there. Below is a limited selection of articles on executive functioning, including motivation For a larger list go to the main Executive Functioning page.
Understanding Motivation
Discover KC Davis' Tips for Completing Chores (Care Tasks) Effectively (Every ADHDer should own her book)
Why We Procrastinate
When I was working on my dissertation my partner came home and found me scrubbing the trim in the house. “Ah I see you are procrasti-cleaning.” This moment was a perfect example of how we often divert our energy toward tasks that feel productive, yet are entirely unrelated to what we should actually be doing. Whether it's cleaning, organizing, or even engaging in hobbies, procrastination can sneak into our lives. Here is some info exploring why we do it, and discuss strategies to manage it, so we can stay focused on what truly matters.
Why Procrastinators Procrastinate
ADHD Relationships
Over the years, my husband has noticed that, while he’s talking to me, I sometimes walk away to another room. In my defense, I’m still listening and participating in the conversation, but I’ll suddenly remember something I need to do and feel like I have to take care of it right then and there. While it still frustrates him, understanding my ADHD (and me understanding his ADHD/Autism) has greatly helped strengthen our relationship. Here are some articles on the different dynamics that occur with mix neurotype relationships.
Romantic Relationships
Overview on how ADHD impacts a relationship
Your Keys to a Happier ADHD Relationship
Please Don’t Hug Me! Seriously. And More Weird Things That Trigger My Hypersensitive ADHD
Loving Someone with ADHD Is Easy…
For more in-depth information on this topic, including resources for partners, ADHD Couples Workshops, and Couples Therapists, visit the main Neurodivergent Relationship Dynamics Page. I also have a seperate page on being a Neurodivergent Parent.
I used to replay conversations I had with others over and over in my head. Why did I say that? Why did they say that? Were they upset with me? I placed so much importance on being liked by others. Learning about rejection sensitivity has helped me navigate these situations better. I was also surprised to discover that I do have real sensory issues, despite being told my whole life that I was just 'being too sensitive.' My mom used to joke that I was like the character in 'The Princess and the Pea.' If my socks weren’t lined up just right, it was all I could focus on until they were fixed. Here are some articles on these topics.
Regulating Emotion, Rejection Sensitivity, and Sensory Issues
Is it real or just ADHD trauma
Creating A Sensory Regulation Plan
For tons more articles on RSD, emotion regulation, and sensory issues go to the main Sensory and Emotion Page.
Life Changing Tech for ADHDers
There are so many apps and tech tools that I use as accommodations, and I can honestly say they’ve been life-changing. I no longer have to read over an email multiple times to check for mistakes (which I would still miss even with the double check). I use AI software to get my notes done, rather than letting them pile up and cause anxiety, which would only delay their completion further. You don’t have to struggle so much—technology can help!
Helpful Technology/Apps Large Resource List Compiled by Embrace the Muchness
Great Mobile Apps for ADHD Minds
Executive Functioning Wheel with Apps
Focus Mate (Body doubling to get work done)
ADHD Book Suggestions
If you have the mental energy to read, here are some good suggestions. Pro tip: Get them on audiobook and increase the speed to hold your attention or listen while doing another task.
You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?!: The Classic Self-Help Book for Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder by Kate Kelly
How to Keep House While Drowning: A Gentle Approach to Cleaning and Organizing by KC Davis
Laziness Does Not Exist by Devon Price
Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy for Adult ADHD: Targeting Executive Dysfunction by Mary V. Solanto
ADHD 2.0: New Science and Essential Strategies for Thriving with Distraction - from Childhood Through Adulthood by Edward M. Hallowell, John J. Ratey, et al.
Taking Charge of ADHD, Third Edition by Barkley
The Smart but Scattered Guide to Success: How to Use Your Brain's Executive Skills to Keep Up, Stay Calm, and Get Organized at Work and at Home by Peg Dawson and Richard Guare
Your Brains Not Broken: Strategies for Navigating Your Emotions and Life with ADHD
Helpful Podcasts
How Therapy Can Help You in This Process
As you can see, there are so many things to process after learning you are ADHD. While you could do this work on your own, as a neurodivergent affirming therapist (and ADHDer myself!), I can walk alongside you on this journey. Along the way, I can provide information, resources, and support as you navigate this new neurodivergent world.
Being a neurodivergent therapist, it has been an honor to support clients through this process as I know how much it has not only dramatically changed my life being late diagnosed but also the lives of my husband, son, and daughter in understanding their own neurotypes. While it may seem overwhelming at first, I promise it does get better. With this new knowledge you will be able to build a life that works for you instead of feeling pressure to fit in a mold that doesn’t. I'd love the opportunity to be part of your journey.
If interested in working together reach out to schedule a free consultation to discuss your goals and my approach and determine if we are a good fit.
Dr. Christine Henry is a neurodivergent licensed psychologist specializing in working with late identified adult adhd and autism and can see clients in 38 States in the US. She also works with clients processing complex trauma, grief, and religious trauma.
If I am not the right fit for you or am not licensed in the state you reside in, checkout the Neurodivergent Therapists Directory. All therapists listed identify as neurodivergent themselves and have a personal understanding of what this path looks like. Read each profile to find out more about their neurotype/s and approach.
