How Do You Know When It Is Time To Let Your Pet Go?
My childhood best friend Iggy
I remember being on the verge of tears in class as my 18 year old dogs health was declining. A few of my fellow therapists told me, “You just need to put that dog down” and “Why don’t you just get a new dog?” I was so confused by how these people who had such empathy could not understand the connection I had with my dog. Iggy was a black toy poodle whom I got when I was 8 years old and was a consistent attachment figure in my life. I was 24 and could not imagine my life without him in it. His eyesight was going; he was deaf; his kidneys were failing, and he had to wear diapers due to incontinence. All these issues are very typical in geriatric care, not just for animals but for humans too. However, when grandma’s functioning declines, people don’t say that it’s time to pull the plug on her.
Deciding if it is time to euthanize your pet is so hard. While it is great to ask advice from other people, remember you know them best. They have trusted you to make all sorts of decisions in their life ,and they will trust you with this one as well. Listen to your gut. Often you will “know” when it is time. Some people get confused or angry when they hear this but trust in your bond. I know you wish that they could speak to you and tell you what to do. While they don’t do this verbally, they do this in other subtle ways.
Questions to ask yourself:
Are they in physical discomfort?
Are they struggling to breathe or constantly coughing?
Are they vomiting often and having a hard time holding food down?
Are they losing weight?
Are they able to walk on their own?
Are they eating on their own or only when forced to eat?
Are they able to drink water or are they constantly dehydrated?
Are they able to go to the bathroom on their own, or do they frequently wet or soil themselves?
Will their condition improve?
Sometimes it can be hard to tell that an animal is in pain because they instinctively hide it from us. They may stop eating, stop interacting with us, hide in corners, whine often, case to come when called, stop following you around, and barely move. If they are in pain, can the pain be managed with medication? What do you know about their condition base on their age and breed? Will it continue to get worse, or can it be maintained with medical assistance?
What is their quality of life?
What does your pet love to do? Make a list of 4 things, and keep an eye out for their ability to do them. Do they love going on walks but now could care less. Did they love playing with toys but no longer seem interested? Have they always been happy to see you come home but barely look up now? Have they stopped coming when you call them and are no longer interested in treats? Do they no longer recognize you or get disoriented often? You know their personality and can tell when something does not feel right.
Here are some links for a quantitative measure for quality of life for your pet. For some people seeing numbers and a scale helps them feel more at ease with having a less biased means of assessment for how their pet is doing.
Are you able to provide the care that they require?
It is okay to be overwhelmed with other things in your life that you feel that the assistance they require is just too much right now. Perhaps they need medications or treatments that you cannot afford. They could be soiling themselves so often that they need to be bathed several times a day. It is okay to know your limitations. You do not want resentment of their care to impact the relationship you have with them or other people you may have in your life.
Even though we love them and will do anything it is good to look at the impact their care is having on us. Here are some quantitative measures to see how much it is effecting us.
You know your pet best, even thought it’s difficult to believe, trust your instincts on this. Unfortunately there is not a formula to help you decide when it is time. If you feel that it is not time and the vet tells you it is, it is okay to get a second opinion. You know your pet best.
Know that no matter what, you will often still have doubts even if you are making the right decision. You may worry that perhaps they could have bounced back and lived longer. You might feel regret that you did not do more. Remember to trust in the relationship you had with them.
Making the decision to euthanize your pet is a complicated and emotional one. If you need help weighing all the above factors, I am available to help you process this in therapy.
For more resources check out my Pet Loss Info section You will find some links to free online support groups, book suggestions, how to find a local hospice and at home euthanasia person. Here is also a good YouTube video on this topic if you still would like more information.
Author Dr. Christine Henry is a licensed psychologist specializing in pet loss as well as working with trauma, grief, highly sensitive people, and religious trauma.